“You Look Great — For Your Age .”

Women are beautiful at every age, so why do people feel its a need to qualify your appearance ?

No one tells a 20, 30 or even 40 year old that they look beautiful for their age. And yet it happens, sometime after 40, there is an invisible beauty boundary that people cross where they feel the need to qualify their compliments or assessment of your appearance.

“The thing is, women are constantly given these backhanded compliments, which might as well have big fat asterisks at the end of them. In fact, according to a study from RoC, 82 percent of women have been told they look “great for their age” in the past year alone, though most say they’d rather not be complimented at all than given one with such a qualifier. While the intention of such comments may be good, they’re actually loaded with the implicit bias that being younger is better and that the recipient’s best years are behind her. In reality, a true compliment would sound like this: “You look great.” Period. RoC and Allure have teamed up with a group of gorgeous, accomplished women to explain why thinking twice before saying, “You look great for your age,” is so important.”(1)

I had this experience , yet again,  the other day visiting my son at work. I settled in at my table and asked the waitress to please let her manager know I was there and wanted to speak with him. She said “who should I tell him is here?” I said “his mom.” She immediately seemed shocked and said “Wow, I didn’t know and you look so young for your age.” I quipped back with a funny line, I had him at ten or something. She then rambled on “ He is like 30 or something right, you still look great.” She continued on about good genes, cosmetics and I should go girl! I wanted to blurt out, what were you expecting a crone!

My son walked over in time to save her from my indignation. I told him what she said and he said “mom, I always say you look young.” At thirty something he didn’t quite get that “looking young” should not be the baseline for beauty. What will happen when I stop looking young, will I suddenly become something or someone else?

I know both were trying to compliment me, but at the same time, why is the expectation that the mom of a thirty something or more has to look or be old ? These types of compliments are a double edged sword.  We all appreciate being flattered or complimented, why is there the need to add in “for your age “?

“Language matters. When talking about a woman over, say, 40, people tend to add qualifiers: “She looks great…for her age” or “She’s beautiful…for an older woman.” Catch yourself next time and consider what would happen if you just said, “She looks great.” Yes, Americans put youth on a pedestal. But let’s agree that appreciating the dewy rosiness of youth doesn’t mean we become suddenly hideous as years go by. “(2)

Getting older does not mean you’re still not beautiful inside and out. It does not mean that we have to accept being considered less because we have reached some time stamp with a cultural age bias on beauty. What it does mean is we are all aging gracefully!

I am convinced part of combating this is how we carry and counter these situations when we are faced with them. I choose to always have the heart and spirit of my twenty year old self with the wisdom and patience of my true years. This makes any woman a beautiful force to be reckoned with at any age.

For me, I simply smiled at my son and said I will take that martini now.




Carolann Tutera has been selected for inclusion in the forthcoming Trademark Women of Distinction Honors Edition for demonstrating dedication, leadership and professional excellence. Her compassion and expertise set the standard in the industry. She has truly dedicated herself to her profession. Representing the state as one of the best in the country requires talent, experience and integrity. There is humility and personal touch she adds to her relationship with everyone she does business with, more than the value of her service it’s her way of treating everyone like an extended member of her own family that people remember the most. As a talented disciplined professional she has maintained a proven track record of quality service, driven by her desire to succeed. During the vetting process it was noted along with her exceptional reputation that she has also maintained a positive peer rating. Her years of service along with her level of expertise and several other factors also contributed to her inclusion. She prides herself on honesty and integrity. She is the kind of professional admired by colleagues and peers alike. Her kindness and willingness to always help others and find solutions to most questions is both exemplary and honorable. She has made her mark on her profession as an expert and will become part of history as one of the top professionals in her field. She is the kind of professional that is not only successful in her field but making her an influencer online. Her recent contributions are creating a media outlet called SottoPelle Lifestyle to help others age gracefully and authentically.  She also can be heard interviewing other influencers and notable figures in various fields on her podcast Adventures in Aging on iTunes.

About Trademark Women of Distinction
With expert female members representing every major industry, Trademark Women of Distinction Honors Edition is a trusted resource and tool dedicated to highlight the professional accomplishments and stories of today’s best and brightest women in business. Trademark Women of Distinction is dedicated to the preservation of each individual females story as each of them deserve their own special place in history. The talented women profiled in this historic registry share such virtues as determination, courage, leadership, patience, and discipline. It is not these characteristics which set them apart from the rest of us, but their extremely high degree of accomplishment as female professionals. Now more than ever these females serve as an example, each of these extraordinary women documented in this publication offer tangible evidence of the value of hard work, goal setting and passion. Trademark Women of Distinction membership provides these hard working accomplished women with a certified and validated third-party endorsement of their accomplishments, and serves as a way to spread the word about their success through a trusted network of women brought together by the same common morals, values and dedication. The historic preservation of each woman’s family legacy and personal achievements is also a driving force in the success of the publication. Such a well-researched and verified source ensures this tool to act as a bridge forging long lasting new business relationships.



Health & Wellness

My Car Ride

My journey began the day after I was born. I was strapped into the protective car seat in the back, bundled and feeling protected. My vantage point was the cute little toys fastened around me all the while feeling safe, loved and fussed over by my parents.

As the years pass by, I graduate to a booster seat in the backseat of the car where I can easily stare outside at the passing world with joy, wonder, and innocence. I recall being enthralled by the migration patterns of rain drops. I imagined the drops racing each other and if they made it off the window, they were free to join the clouds. Did you ever notice how pretty clouds look or that they look like funny animals? Sometimes, I named them as I did with all my imaginary playmates.

Rain drops on the car window

My teenage years in the car, I observe my parents are now listening to the radio, and not as attentive to me. They are often yelling at other people in cars or each other. What once brought them joy, I see makes them angry a lot. So, I have to find ways to amuse myself on this magical ride. I see a movie, mall and ice cream – please stop I cry. But, they don’t have time to stop.

I am old enough to take the driver’s seat. My parents are hesitant, but I have been in cars my whole life – how hard can it be? My grandfather takes me aside and says, “I have been driving a taxi in Manhattan for 40 years, just remember everyone on the road is trying to kill you!” I look at him in sheer horror, was driving and life really that scary? He smiled knowingly sharing his version of defensive driving and maybe living. But, driving is supposed to be fun – I can stop and finally go where I want.

That’s when it all changed for me. The car ride was no longer about fun, but about paying the car insurance or the gas to fill up the tank while I was in college. The bills kept coming and the car was just a means to an end.

I found myself stressed and rushing all the time. I was not looking for joy or raindrops racing, but the idiot killer driver who just cut me off as Grandpa warned. The car takes me to responsibility and the rain only means delays and traffic now.

It’s my turn to place my child in the backseat for the first time. The car is carrying my most precious person. Is the car seat in correctly, is she comfortable and bundled up safely? My mind is racing only on her safety, and I only want to get her home where I can tuck her in. I recall how my parents shouted if I unstrapped myself or distracted them while they drove. I finally understand them. They weren’t being mean – they were just scared.

I’m aging gracefully now and life is slowing down. The world is moving faster passing cars. I find that I can’t always keep up. I can’t see as well at night anymore and my kids are afraid I might not react as quickly. I spent my entire life quickly in this car.

I think it’s time to take the passenger seat.

It’s hard not having all the control, and I’m often slamming my foot to brake as my grown child drives me. I see a store I love and ask if we can stop? No, they say we don’t have the time. I shake my head in dismay – what’s the rush? I feel that the car is now a place of frustration and loss of identity. Wait, my grandchild is in the back seat. She is restless and a bit bored.

Then, I remember the raindrops.

We watch the raindrops together and I smile. My old loyal friends have never left me. I lost sight of them driving to responsibility and things which at the this point of my journey, don’t seem very important. Raindrops are forgiving and they soon restore my wonder with the innocence of my grandchild’s laughter.

The ride didn’t change – I did.

Take the time to enjoy your ride with joy and wonder. Remember the magic in your life and find a way to regain it.

Cherish the ride!

You Are a Child Everyday ⁃ with Your Mom

No matter how old we get or who we are – when we are with our mom we find ourselves returning to their child.
It sounds cliche, but how many of us revert or default to certain behaviors and mannerisms.
Many of us don’t even realize this is happening but I’m sure our Moms do.

I took a picture of myself and my mom when she was in town visiting.  A friend pointed out that I looked like a kid. I was flattered. She said it wasn’t just my appearance, but the energy and demeanor she saw in the image.

She pointed out I was texting away with my phone in hand (like most teenagers at lunch with their mom) and my attire was “youthful.” I laughed as I had not given any thought to my cute little red dress and denim jacket I threw on for lunch with my mom. Perhaps the devil is in the details even if done subconsciously.

“denim jackets” add a certain persona to the one who puts them on. In old movies, the blue overall is what the rebel, the renegade and social wallflower character wears. Even the girl next door has her denim jacket.” The graphic designer says that the denim jacket as a fashion symbol represents youthfulness and youth culture, which is free-spirited and expressive. “I feel that even older people could tell you that back in “their day”, they had their denim jackets. This fashionably iconic garment has represented youthfulness for many decades, and is here to stay,” he says.”(1)

Maybe it comes down to not wanting to turn into our moms either? We all can remember saying or thinking I will NEVER say or do that as a mom!! Yet, ironically we all do at some point.

“If you’re worried about turning into your mom one day, you can relax already because science says it’s going to happen. And now they’re even telling us when it’s going to happen and it’s probably sooner than you think. Despite all your efforts, new research reveals you’re likely to start becoming more like your mom in your early 30s.
According to a new study from the U.K., we all turn into our parents…” (2)

My life and profession is grounded in science and spirit. Have I turned into my mom? Perhaps, but then why am I kid around her?

Finally, I realized its because Moms are our safe haven.

We can be ourselves and let our guard down. We lose the filter we have on for almost everyone else. We can be authentic!  At end of the day, no matter how old we are inside, we are all just children. Letting that inner child out feels good and is healthy.

Now, it’s time we all do that even when mom isn’t watching!!

SottoPelle Lifestyle Inspired by CarolAnn Tutera

SottoPelle Lifestyle is dedicated to educating and empowering you at any age.  CarolAnn Tutera has been a long-time advocate and ambassador for aging gracefully. She leads by example with her motivational podcast “Adventures in Aging,” her professional successes as CEO of SottoPelle®, Tutera Medical® plus her devotion to her family.  She is constantly supporting others to find their joy and excitement in life. SottoPelle Lifestyle and the podcast provide enjoyable mediums with great insights on achieving this balance as we age.

We are all living longer and the goal for longevity is to do it well.  What that means to most people is to be healthy, happy and active.

How can we set up our aging for success?

It’s a mixture of many factors including genetics, self-care and lifestyle decisions. If any of these are out of balance your overall well -being will be impacted.  First and foremost, we need to keep healthy.  Exercise, good nutrition, and a positive outlook have a greater impact than previously understood.

“Keeping mentally active and successful at age is not only possible it’s a growing trend.  In a great article Success Has No Age Limit: Overcoming the “I’m Too Old” Mindset by Nancy A. Ruffin.  She writes:

For many women, there’s this misconception that if you haven’t accomplished certain things by a specific age then you’re a failure. In today’s world women are under tremendous pressure to accomplish so much in a short amount of time. Whether it’s getting married and starting a family or rising to the top of our career, many of us feel like we’re racing against the clock. The truth is, age should not be a factor by which we measure our success & accomplishments. There is no age limit to success.”[1]

This attitude toward professional success extends to our personal successes and goals as we age as well.  Your never too old to do anything you set your mind to do.  SottoPelle Lifestyle is a collaborative collection and effort of resources, tips and personal blogs by CarolAnn and others exploring the many ways you can achieve personal success as you age.

Want to learn more?  Visit SottoPelle Lifestyle inspired by CarolAnn Tutera today!!


My Gypsy Soul and Moving

“Things in motion stay in motion.”

Our emotional, physical and spiritual balance are all related to the law of biology and physics. After being widowed, I found myself in state of change, flux and moving.  In the past, I moved for very different reasons, but now my moves are physically, emotionally and spiritually all driven by forces within my control and in directions that I never anticipated. The need to change my surroundings and home were motivated by a need to heal and move forward with my life.

The First Law of Motion states, “A body at rest will remain at rest, and a body in motion will remain in motion unless it is acted upon by an external force.” This simply means that things cannot start, stop, or change direction all by themselves. It takes some force acting on them from the outside to cause such a change.

New views and perspectives allow for great positive energy and opportunities.  Each new move provides a wealth of experience on what works best when moving and when it is time to hide on the closest couch and let the troops take over.  Look how I match my workout clothes with my couch without thought!

As in decorating, moving and re-establishing your home has a lot to do with details.

I love the pretty details.

Some tips on things to avoid when moving:

  • Don’t stress the small things! It all works out in the end
  • Don’t try to do it all in a day by yourself!
  • Drink plenty of water and take breaks to eat!  It’s important to keep yourself hydrated and energized. 
  • Don’t wait until the last day to start packing!

Some tips on musts when moving:

  • Call all your utility companies 2 weeks in advance to change over to your name
  • Ask for help! It’s okay to give yourself permission to have many people help you move in and out!  The more the merrier!  You will physically feel better in the end!
  • Use plastic container tubs and label them well!  Stronger and easier to pick up over boxes.
  • Have someone come in before the movers and add in white light bulbs, motion sensors in rooms and large storage racks!  Find yourself a great handyman!
  • Start packing up weeks in advance, one room at a time!  Finish one room, move onto the next!

Finally, when it’s all said and done – take a day get a Mani-Pedi and regroup your energy for your new home!  Light a candle and take a tub at the end of the day!  Feel the energy of your new home soaking in!

Enjoy your new surroundings!